“Communication is to relationships what breath is to life” – Virginia Satir

Guide to sexology and related questions

What does a sexologist do?
A sexologist is concerned with diagnosis and treatment of sexual dysfunctions, sexual health and well-being and sexual enrichment. We study human sexual behaviour and how this behaviour affects both the individual and couple. We offer sex-positive education and therapy. When trying to assess how a client understands and practices sex, we take their social and psychological views, their medical history, their family and upbringing, and their current relationship into consideration. Sex is approached in a non-judgemental and positive manner within a bio/psycho/social framework.

What happens in a sex therapy session?
A consultation with an appropriately qualified and accredited sexologist (registered with the HPCSA or SACSSP) generally involves talking. I also combine individual psychotherapy and hypnotherapy if indicated with sex therapy and couples therapy. During each session the client(s) will explore aspects of their sexual behaviour and feelings as well as general relationship issues. After most sessions the client(s) will receive tasks or exercises to complete at home and report back on at the following session.

Lack of emotional and physical intimacy
Couples in long term relationships often find it difficult to maintain passion and emotional and physical intimacy. Often because of priorities changing, children, stress and lack of focus and time. Healthy relationships means spending time together. The quality of what happens in bed depends largely of the quality of what happens out of bed.

Sexual Confidence
When we have body issues or are not in touch with our own sexuality it may negatively influence our sexual drive as well as enjoyment of sex.

Difficulty to reach orgasm – either during sex or alone
More commonly a complaint of women, not being able to orgasm can be hugely distressing to an individual. Furthermore, the pressure to perform that is often present during sex can make this situation emotionally challenging.

Premature or delayed ejaculation in men
Many men complain of premature ejaculation. There are many techniques as well as medication to treat this. Delayed ejaculation can be very frustrating for both the partners and often has a psychological/emotional trigger.

Difficulties with desire or arousal or not being able to maintain arousal/erection during a sexual experience
Erectile dysfunction in men and arousal concerns in women are common complaints that a sexologist hear in practise. These problems can be very distressing on personal and relationship level. Sexual dysfunctions usually have a medical/physiological, psychological and relationship component. Erectile dysfunction can be treated and the cause of it should be should explored as ED can be indicative of a serious coronary incident within 3-5 years. A sexologist will help the individual and or the couple to understand their specific dynamic and to resolve the problem holistically.

Persistent pain during sex, foreplay or gynaecological check-ups or an inability to have penetrative sex
Many people, women in particular, complain that they experience pain during sex. However, sex should never been painful. Working within a multi-professional team with a sexual health physician, sexologist and specialist pelvic floor dysfunction physiotherapists ensure a high success rate as well as the team being international leaders in the field of sexual pain.

Sexual and relationship enhancement – Spicing it up.
A sexologist can also assist couples who are interested in enriching their sexual relationship. This may involve helping couples explore different avenues of sexual play and experience, or assisting the couple to become more comfortable with each other sexually.

Elmari specialises in the following:
  • Sexology
  • Individual Psychotherapy
  • Clinical Hypnotherapy
  • Sex therapy
  • Couples Therapy
  • Relationship/Marital Enrichment
  • Pre-marital Counselling
  • Conflict Resolution and Effective Communication Skills
  • Divorce Counselling
  • Trauma Counselling

The diagnoses and treatment of male and female sexual dysfunction, eg
  • Loss of sexual desire
  • Libido differences
  • Sexual Pain Disorders:
    Vulvadinia ext
  • Inability to reach orgasm
  • Erectile dysfunction
  • Ejaculation control and timing
  • Sexual behaviour disorders
  • General Sexual Problems
  • Sexual Enrichment